searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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