we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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