i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
