I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize