guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
