I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
