My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pants are for mortals
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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