if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
