um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
