Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
