I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you inspire me to be a worse person
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
