sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
