you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
