I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
