So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
