it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
