Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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