you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
