drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
