I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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