So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
