I like my sex mixed with concussions.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
