playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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