If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
No I am not eating basil off your cock
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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