idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
