Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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