let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
