lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
