Umm I'm too high to move.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
