sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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