My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
