I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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