so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
