Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
