Define "chronic" masturbator.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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