I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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