if you like me you must not know who I am
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
