I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
