You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I understand Curling. That high.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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