i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
