i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
