U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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