Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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