I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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