How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize