just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
