She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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