he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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