my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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