Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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