A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
