Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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