Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
