So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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