Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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