I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
