I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
