dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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