I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
