Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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