I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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