In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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