man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
