I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
