i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
