You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize