Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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