I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize