I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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