...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
