I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
