I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
