When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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