I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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