I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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