That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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