Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
